Cherryvale, PA, 7 years earlier:
Time hung suspended as Colin soothed Lindsay, gently rocking her in his strong embrace and stroking her long hair as they sat on the floor. Although his sister-in-law had yet to speak, Colin guessed the obvious: Sam had managed, with the help of his almighty legal connections, to get the divorce from Lindsay finalized in record time for his upcoming trip to the Middle East.
"Shhh?everything is going to be all right, Linds." Colin pulled her in even closer, molding his body against hers, as if to shield her from further hurt and pain. All the spirit, strength and pride that was Lindsay Rappaport had been seemingly exhausted by that one phone call, and she lay like a beautiful, broken porcelain doll in his arms.
Raw and breaking with emotion, Lindsay's voice was no louder than a hoarse whisper. An evening summer storm had erupted, and as the fierce wind and driving rain battered the windows, Colin had to strain to make out her soft words.
"All I wanted was his happiness." Shakily, Lindsay sat up and looked through the window at the turmoil brewing outside. It was as if Mother Nature had peered into her very soul for inspiration, and the thunder and swaying trees were the result. ?My God, I gave him a home and family to be proud of, smiled and played the perfect hostess at those stupid cocktail parties for his Bar Association buddies, took gourmet cooking lessons to make his favorite dinners that would go cold when he had to conveniently work another late night."
As Colin looked on sympathetically, Lindsay could feel her anger building. It strengthened her, sustained her, gave her control, and her voice grew in force. "Nothing was enough! I read his law journals so we could discuss cases. That is, if we ever even talked. Sam was never home! *I* was the one who had to make excuses to Jen and Will as to why he couldn't make it to their soccer games and dance recitals, yet he found the time to coach and mentor STRANGERS' children."
Lindsay ran her hands through her tousled hair and stood up. She gripped the back of the couch tightly and rode the wave of fury as if it were her only means of survival. "Sam is a good man, but it's not like I am the one who carried my old lover's airplane ticket in my briefcase for years and years. I only made one mistake. One! But, but..you know, Colin, I was so lonely, and it felt SO good to feel wanted..."
Colin moved next to her, a concerned look on his face. "Lindsay---"
"I pleaded on my hands and knees for forgiveness from him, but he was so cold, so distant." Lindsay walked away, shutting her eyes in a vain effort to block out the sights and sounds of the scene forever imprinted in her mind: the hurt, outraged look on Sam?s face, the cursing and groans from her bed partner, her ridiculous attempts to cover their nakedness. She still didn't know why he had come home early that day of all days. Her voice faltered with the memory, "Lord knows I didn't wanted to hurt my Sammy. I'd do anything for him. He is my world, my first love, my only love, but I was never his."
Lindsay spun on her heel and faced Colin. "Do you know what it feels like to have to beg your own spouse to make love to you?"
?Yes, Lindsay -- I do.?
Colin's response to her rhetorical question surprised Lindsay and brought an abrupt halt to her tirade. As Lindsay stared, Colin weakly attempted a small smile and failed.
"I love my wife, but, well, sometimes I think her career is her priority." A crestfallen look came over his chiseled features, and Lindsay thought he looked almost like a lost, confused little boy in that moment. "Of course I, of all people, realize how important this residency program is to her future in the medical profession, but, ya know, you?d think she?d try harder to make time for us and...," his voice trailed off.
Lindsay was struck by her brother-in-law's vulnerability -- gone was the charming, self-assured doctor with the easy grin. She leaned her head on his shoulder and wrapped her arms around his waist. ?Oh, Colin, you understand."
Colin tenderly caressed her face. "More than you know," he whispered. Lightning continued to illuminate the twilight sky, bringing a soft glow into the room, and they remained there, standing together in companionable silence.
Lindsay looked down at her left hand, now devoid of the ring that had held its rightful place for all those years. The strange, new lightness of her hand could not make up for the heaviness in her heart and only served to remind her of her tremendous loss. She could feel tears beginning to well once again when, behind her hand, she caught sight of the black-and-white photograph in the antique gilt frame on the end table.
It was her father in a rare, formal portrait. He was looking up sternly at the camera, his defiant eyes almost challenging the photographer to take his picture. Unsmiling, of course. The only times she had ever seen Daddy smile was when Lanie was in the same room.
Unbidden, one of their last conversations came to her mind, as fresh in memory as if it were yesterday. Lindsay had been brimming with happiness, foolishly expecting her father to be excited upon hearing her announcement that his first grandchild was on the way. She could still hear his sneer.
("Guess that explains the quickie marriage. I always knew you'd turn out to be a slut like your mother.")
Her breathing becoming more erratic, Lindsay stepped away from Colin as the room seemed to close in on her. Noting her pallor, Colin reached out a hand. "What is it, Lindsay?"
"I have to get out of here!" And she ran out the front door.
"Lindsay!"
Chapter 9
