Cherryvale, PA, 1995:
"Looks like we have some time to ourselves, little girl," Colin walked in with an anticipatory grin on his face, but quickly sobered when he saw Lindsay with her suitcase laid out on the bed. "Hey, now, what's this?"
"It?s exactly what it looks like," Lindsay said, not meeting his gaze as she continued to fold a blouse and pack it away. "I'm going home." Her hands were noticeably trembling, and she steeled herself for Colin's reaction. Remain strong, girlie, she reminded herself, as Colin walked over and took a place at the corner of bed and propped his feet on the cedar chest.
"I see." Colin casually picked at a loose thread on the quilt. "Are you planning to leave this evening, or are you going to wait for morning? Lanie is going to be upset either way."
Lindsay cursed herself. This was how she had wanted their parting to be: polite, civil, non-emotional without any fuss or regrets. However, she couldn't deny that she was somewhat disappointed with his quiet response to her announcement. Gritting her teeth, she spat out without thinking, "And what about you?" quickly regretting her lack of subtlety.
Colin looked up, his deep blue eyes knowing, and Lindsay was shaken by the intensity of his stare. A muscle in his smooth cheek twitched as he stood up. "Me? Lindsay, I'm thinking you?re NOT GOING ANYWHERE!" He shoved the suitcase onto the hardwood floor, scattering its contents.
His eyes blazing with frustration, Colin backed Lindsay against the wall and pinned her wrists above her head while she half-heartedly struggled. "You're going to give up what we have so easily?"
"Lanie---"
"This has nothing to do with Lanie."
"How can you say that? She?s your wife. She's MY SISTER. We should have never--"
"Don't start with any of that remorse c***, Lindsay. I'm not buying it. You can feel what we have together. " Taking note of the alarm in his lover's face, Colin relaxed his grip and crushed his lips to her. His mouth roaming, he began to nuzzle her neck, his hot breath doing little to tame her raging pulse. His other arm held her possessively close, like a second skin, and Colin continued his devastating descent downward as Lindsay tried to steady her overloaded senses.
Taking her silence for surrender, Colin picked up Lindsay and carried her to the bed while skillfully unbuttoning her top at the same time.
"Linds, what's for you in Chicago now, anyway? You can set up a gallery and studio here, the kids will like the schools. We have plenty of space in the house, or if you prefer, I can set you up in a very nice, cozy place not too far from the hospital." Colin chuckled while Lindsay looked up at him, horrified. Not noticing her reaction to his proposal, he continued to caress her and reached under her skirt, but was taken aback when she pushed him away violently.
"No!" Lindsay glared at him and reached up to button up her blouse. "I won't be your whore, Colin!"
"Funny. You certainly didn't have any qualms about spreading your legs for Sam?s junior law partner."
Colin's face snapped back with the force of Lindsay?s slap. Shocked, he grabbed her arm, and they rolled around the bed until Colin straddled her thrashing body between his muscled thighs, immobilizing her. Lindsay was furious, her face flushed, with her long, blonde hair tangled and strewn across the bed covers. Colin tossed up his head and laughed heartily.
"I love your spirit, Linds. I wish Lanie had half the amount of fire you do."
"I hate you."
Colin leaned down so that his face was mere inches above hers, suddenly grim. "Have it your way --for now. But understand that this isn't over until I say so. Ya know, I do have that conference coming up in Chicago this fall..."
"Get off of me!" Lindsay hissed.
Colin smiled -- a twisted, mocking smile that chilled Lindsay to the very core of her being. He wrapped a strand of her hair around his index finger and looked almost wistful for a moment before bending closer to give her a soft, brotherly peck on the cheek.
"I?ll miss you. Have a safe trip home, Sis."
Disentangling himself with all the grace of a jungle cat, Colin strolled out of the room.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The early morning sun shone brightly in the parlor, as Lindsay stood in the room, keys in hand, again mentally rehearsing what she would say. Her packed bags were in the rental car, and if she could get through these next few minutes saying good-bye to Lanie, then all would be back to normal. Life would move on, although a life without Sammy -- well, that was impossible to contemplate. As much as she despised him, Colin had at least taken her mind off of reality for a while.
It had felt good.
Pacing now, she spied on the mantle the old photograph of herself and Lanie as young girls, looking so much alike they could have been mistaken for twins. The blonde hair and beaming, happy grins, the tasteless early '70s fashion. Lindsay shook her head and smiled. What innocence. Plaid of all things. Lindsay's arm was wrapped protectively around her sister in one of those rare moments when all was forgiven. It was them against the world.
The wooden stairs creaked, and Lindsay looked up to see Lanie slowly coming down. Her hands were jammed in the large pockets of her plush bathrobe, her face ashen. Speech time?
"I'm so sorry, sweetie! I guess you read my note? They called me last night, and it?s such a huge fiasco at the gallery. Between the blown kiln in the studio and now this exhibit confusion...well, I really do need to get back there ASAP.?
Lanie did not respond but just stared at her sister grimly. Lindsay eyed her warily and, nerve-wracked, continued. "Oh, I know, I know. You're disappointed, and so am I. I am!"
"Disappointed?" Lanie's voice was soft. "Yes, I guess that would describe how I feel. An understatement, really. " She continued to look at Lindsay, making no move to embrace her, her red-rimmed gaze unflinching.
Lanie was always one to wear her heart on her sleeve, but she was taking the news harder than Lindsay expected. Lindsay played with the button on her blouse, trying desperately to keep her hands from shaking.
"I want..well, it won?t be long before you're finished with the residency, and we?ll be able to arrange more time together. The kids are dying to see their favorite aunt!" Lindsay smiled brightly, but Lanie was still stone-faced. ?Umm, you know, maybe this whole gallery mess is a blessing. You're busy with the hospital, and I have SO much to get done before the kids get back from camp! Sam was going to go through the house for the rest of his things while I was here. You know the man -- the place is probably a disaster zone now. And I wanted to get the kids' rooms painted. Will seems to think the walls are meant for ball practice. Teenagers!"
Lindsay laughed with a hint of hysteria that she hoped would go unnoticed. She was rambling, and she knew it. Fighting for control, she placed her hands supportingly on Lanie?s shoulders and gently brushed back the hair that had fallen into her sister's face. "Listen, I am sad that I have to leave early, too, but we will see each other again. Okay? Please tell me you understand. Please?"
To Lindsay's relief, Lanie slowly nodded. "Oh, I understand, Lindsay."
"Good, good. Thank you for everything, sweetie. There?s some coffee and fresh muffins in the kitchen for you and Colin. Please say good-bye to him for me. He--" Lindsay hesitated. "He was very supportive while you were away.? Lindsay embraced Lanie, whose arms did not move from her sides.
Lindsay picked up her purse and started to walk away, her heart racing. She couldn?t reach the front door fast enough, and as her hand closed around the knob, she could feel herself beginning to breathe more easily. She was just opening the door when Lanie spoke.
"You slept with him, didn't you?"
Lindsay froze.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Breathe, Lindsay, breathe. Masking the turbulence raging within her with a look of confusion and wide-eyed innocence, Lindsay turned around to face her younger sister.
"What?"
Lanie reached into her pocket and pulled out a wad of material. She held it out to Lindsay. "I believe this belongs to you. I found it when I was making my bed this morning."
Lindsay stepped closer, deliberately keeping her face as blank as possible. It was her pink teddy all right, the one that matched her favorite silk robe and that she had bought at that quaint French boutique last year. She had told her sister how she marveled at the beauty and quality of the exquisite fabric, how delicious it felt against her skin? But how in the world had it gotten in Lanie's bed? She had never stepped in the master bedroom, let alone been in...
She glanced upstairs as Colin?s sardonic words raced through her mind.
("or a meddling sister-in-law out of my life.")
Damn him.
Shaking her head vehemently, Lindsay?s response was automatic. "It looks like mine, but no, it's different. That doesn't belong to me." A brainstorm came to her, and she put her hand on Lanie?s shoulder and cooed sympathetically. "Oh, sweetie, you don't suppose that Colin is having another affair with someone and bringing her here, do you?"
Lanie stepped back abruptly, a look of disgust on her face, and threw the lingerie sailing across the room. Tears streaming, she cried, "Yes, I do, and I'm looking at her. Your face says it all. My...own...SISTER...seduced...MY...husband. How..how could you do this to me, Lindsay? Do you really hate me that much?? She shook her head, and she sneered. "It must have been given you a lot of pleasure to come after Colin. You've never forgiven me for being Daddy's favorite, the sole beneficiary of his will."
"No, that's not true..."
"SHUT UP, Lindsay! I don't want to hear your lies. Admit it! You slept with Colin to get back at me. You came on to the poor man as part of your sick vendetta against me."
"Poor man?" Lindsay could feel her anger rising, her need to hide the truth dissipating. Her hands clenched into fists. How typical of Lanie to pin this all on her, absolving her husband of any responsibility in the affair. Lanie ? who had never once felt the pain of having to fight for love in her life. It was so easy for her to stand there and condemn.
"Lanie, you don?t understand. It didn't happen that way. I felt so lost without Sam, and Colin tried comforting me." Feeling cornered, Lindsay's thoughts tumbled as tears welled in her eyes. "I didn?t want to?I tried to fight him off, and he, he took advantage of me. Colin knew what kind of state I was in, but he was forceful, so determined...I was scared of denying him."
Lanie covered her ears and turned her back to Lindsay, her body visibly shaking as she looked out the bay window. She whispered hoarsely, "You lie. That's all you know how to do."
Lindsay came and embraced her from behind, her voice pleading. "Lanie, you have to believe me. I would never hurt you." She paused. "You must leave Colin. He's no good."
Whirling around and pushing Lindsay away, Lanie scoffed. "No good? When I think of all the times I defended you to Daddy... And he was right all along about you. You didn't deserve his love, Lindsay. You don?t deserve ANYBODY."
Lindsay looked down and caught her breath. Daddy, Lanie, Sam... She gave them unconditional love whereas theirs?if there had ever been any feeling?had come with terms and conditions she never had any hope of meeting. Always looking down their sanctimonious noses at her, their criticism relentless...And here was the most self-righteous of them all standing before her. Lanie wasn't even trying to understand, instead choosing to stand behind her slimeball of a husband.
{"She wouldn?t forgive you."}
She could almost hear him laughing.
Wiping away her tears, Lindsay squared her shoulders and faced her sister, anger breathing new life into her posture. Never let them see you hurt.
"Do you want to know why Colin cheats on you, my dear? He told me you can't meet his needs. You can't satisfy him. And that's why he turned to me." Lindsay's scorn-edged voice was strong as she watched her sister pale.
Her blue eyes blazing, Lindsay continued, undeterred by her sister's pain. She had obviously struck a nerve, but she squashed down the guilt and regret that threatened to slow her tongue. "Colin and I have an understanding of each other, Lanie -- a connection you couldn't begin to comprehend. When he dreams at night, he'll be dreaming of me. He will remember my smell and how he cried out my name, and there?s nothing you can do to make him forget. He will always long for the time he had a real woman in his bed. He knows I?m the best he?s ever had -- or will have. He?ll never be faithful to you, Lanie."
Lanie looked like she was about to pass out. "Get out, Lindsay."
Lindsay arched her eyebrow slightly, a satisfied half-smile on her face. Inwardly, she felt like she was dying. Everything inside of her was screaming for her to let go of the past, the old hurt, the memories of rejection and how Lanie always monopolized and took advantage of Daddy?s love. But it all ran too deep. "Gladly. The truth hurts, doesn't it, sweet sister?"
Lindsay walked out the front door in smooth strides, her heels clicking, and got into the rental car. Lanie ran to the doorway and called out, sobbing as she clung to the frame.
"You are not my sister. You are nothing to me, Lindsay!"
Trembling, Lindsay managed to start the engine, but her last look was not that of her stricken younger sister -- but the smirking face of Colin McIver gazing down from the upstairs window, his eyes mockingly following her as she drove out of sight.
