Cherryvale, PA, 1995:
"Lindsay!"
Unmindful of the pounding rain that quickly drenched her clothing and weakened her step, Lindsay Rappaport kept running aimlessly, driven by the need to get away. She was only vaguely aware of Colin?s presence behind her as he continued to call out for her to stop as she entered the wilderness.
The rain was surprisingly warm, nearly enveloping her like a cocoon. Visibility was impossible as the darkening sky and thunderous clouds blanketed the landscape, but Lindsay didn?t care. Mud oozed into her sneakers, and the wind blew her long hair in every direction, but she continued on, panting, crying and determined to find an escape from her inner torment.
"Ahhhhhh!" Lindsay slipped on a rock and rolled down a wet, steep slope that had seemingly appeared out of nowhere. Somehow managing to hear her small scream over the roar of the elements, Colin doubled his impressive efforts to reach her, his thigh and neck muscles visibly straining as he came down the hill.
Seeing her petite form lying face down and deathly still at the bottom, Colin feared the worst. "Linds, Linds... what the hell were you thinking, little girl?" He carefully rolled her over and felt her pulse. It was strong, and he could see her eyes were merely tightly shut as she moaned in despair, oblivious to her brother-in-law beside her.
Gathering Lindsay up in his arms, Colin made the slow, laborious trek back home, ignoring the lightning that seemed to be striking all around them. Lindsay?s eyes were unfocused and glazed when he put her down once they arrived at the house, and he rushed to warm her with a battery of plush towels and scan her for any obvious cuts and bruises.
Suddenly, after several tense minutes, Lindsay focused on him and dryly commented, "Those are the special guest towels, Colin."
Noting the familiar, alert mischief restored in her eyes, Colin, kneeled beside her, breathed a sigh of relief and chuckled. "Lucky for me, you?re a special guest, or Lanie would have my head. I was worried about you."
"I know. Thank you." Lindsay sat up and tightly clutched the towel around her shoulders, turning serious. "Colin, may I ask you a question?"
"Shoot."
The face turned to him contained one of the most haunted, pained and genuinely confused expressions Colin had ever seen. She stared at him forlornly with desperate, smoky eyes. "Why is it so hard for anyone to love me?"
Colin gently cupped her chin and avoided her question. "I don?t want to hear that kind of talk, young lady. You have family and friends, all who love and adore every single bone in that sensational body of yours.? Lindsay opened her mouth to speak, but Colin crushed it with his own, knowing he wouldn't be able to stop and not caring.
Lindsay hungrily returned the kiss, need and desire overriding any other emotion. The attraction they had denied so long could not be ignored, and Lindsay knew she was lost when Colin hoarsely whispered in her ear, "I'll help you forget."
To forget. Yes, that was what Lindsay wanted, and it was too easy to lose herself in that promise, to trust in the man who now looked down so tenderly upon her. She allowed Colin to strip away her wet clothing and cover her trembling body with his own as the storm continued to rage on outside. The winds wailed through the trees, their mournful cry lasting through the long night.
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When they awoke together the next morning, Lindsay assumed a certain level of awkwardness was to be expected: sheepish grins, blushing faces, tightly pulled up sheets. Yet waking up in Colin?s arms felt blissfully natural, and she had never felt more at ease. It was a pattern to be repeated in the next several days ~~ whirlwind days of sensual pleasure, laughter, comfort and the torment of knowing she was sleeping with her sister?s husband.
She knelt now at the foot of the bed and looked out at the garden, her thoughts in turmoil. Lindsay tried to concentrate on the beauty of the summer flowers in full bloom, to clear her mind, but such meditation eluded her.
Lindsay looked over at Colin. He was sleeping peacefully on his back, his arm thrown over his head on the pillow, boyish features relaxed. Colin was always relaxed. In the past couple of weeks, he had never seemed in the least disturbed or troubled about the recent course of events. It was almost as if he knew that their affair was inevitable, the fate of the gods.
Lindsay's eyes narrowed. Then again, Colin was practiced at the art of seduction. Very practiced. She could feel the familiar sting of jealousy nip away at her, despite all her efforts to persuade herself that this new relationship was simply a matter of two consenting adults temporarily turning to each in a time of need. No strings attached.
Her thoughts were interrupted by the flurry of activity at the birdbath as the blue jays and cardinals fought for territorial rights in the garden. The air danced in vibrant colors of blue and red, hypnotizing her as she listened to their fevered squawks.
"Hey there, beautiful." Colin came up behind Lindsay, burying his stubbly face in her neck, his warm, naked body pressed to hers. Lindsay reached back and wordlessly tore her hands through his thick, ruffled hair. ?Now, how?s about giving me a proper morning greeting??
As he pulled her down, Lindsay gratefully lost herself once again.
Basking in the afterglow of what was now becoming a traditional morning interplay, Lindsay traced the hard planes and sinewy curves of her lover?s body with an experienced artist?s hands.
"God, I would love to sculpt you someday," she murmured.
Amused, Colin cocked an eyebrow. "Complete with fig leaf?"
Lindsay giggled and snuggled closer to him, a devilish look on her face. "Nah. I want to give the dear ladies of the Blue Society Guild of Chicago something, ahem, significant to talk about when they tour the gallery."
Colin laughed. "You have a deal -- as long as you promise not to chase me around with a chisel."
Lindsay blushed. "Lanie told you about that?"
"Ahhh, so it IS true you chased Sam out of your studio, chisel and hammer in hand."
Lindsay sat up and folded her arms defensively, her expression petulant. "It only happened once."
"From what I understand, ol? Sammy boy was lucky to have escaped intact." Colin chuckled. ?I would have loved to have seen his face!"
Lindsay graced him with a half-smile and then looked away, chewing pensively on her bottom lip. "Sooo, what time do you have to pick up Lanie this afternoon?"
Colin started rubbing her shoulders, his large hands making easy work of the painful knots. "Is that what has you so uptight?" As he continued to work his magic, he leaned down to whisper in her ear. "Nothing is going to change, Lindsay."
Lindsay swung around, incredulous. "Everything will change." Regretfully pulling away from him, she reached for her silk robe by the bedside and caught a glance of herself in the wall-mounted mirror. Not bad for a woman just a few years shy of the big 4-0, she thought distractedly. All of the essentials and non-essentials were firmly in place, her skin glowed ? but there was a hint of shadow under her eyes, testifying to the sleepless nights thinking about Lanie and Sam. She slowly slipped her arms into the robe.
Colin joined her by the mirror, and they both gazed at their shared reflection. "I have to tell her, Colin."
"What exactly would the point of that be? To salve your conscience, or have something to throw in her face? Lanie would only be hurt, and you know she wouldn?t forgive you."
"But she would forgive YOU?"
Colin sat back on the bed against the brass headboard and folded his arms behind his head, his expression cocky. "She has before, and she will again. In this case, it's a win-win situation for me regardless of whether you tell Lanie. I?ll either have a sexy, gorgeous lover in my bed," his eyes roamed over Lindsay appreciatively, "or a meddling sister-in-law out of my life."
"What are you saying?"
"You think I don't know that you were the one encouraging Lanie to leave me?" Colin got up and walked towards Lindsay, anger flashing in his eyes. "I had a lot of repair work to do, thanks to you."
"All you do is hurt Lanie and--- "
"I love Lanie." Colin replied firmly. He cupped Lindsay?s face in both of his hands and suddenly smiled. "But don?t worry, Lindsay. All is forgiven now."
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Lindsay picked at her pasta and smiled wanly as Lanie excitedly recapped her days at the medical conference. The three of them were sitting at the dining room table, and Lanie, in all of her enthusiasm, failed to notice the underlying current of tension.
"...and that presentation was the most informative of all," Lanie enthused, taking a final bite of the chicken in the alfredo sauce from her plate. "Lindsay, this dinner is heaven. You know, I don't think Colin and I have ever used those pans --not even for boiling water! You?re spoiling us!"
Colin sat back in the chair, patted his stomach and laughed. "I know I could have easily put on a good ten pounds while you were gone, but luckily, I had a lot of opportunity to work it off---" He paused and looked pointedly at Lindsay as she paled. ---at the gym." He grinned broadly at his sister-in-law's discomfort.
Lindsay kicked him under the table. Hard.
Lanie looked over worriedly at her sister and seized her hand comfortingly. "Oh, Lindsay. Colin told me about Sam when he picked me up from the airport. I'm so sorry...I, well, I should have been here for you."
Lindsay shook her head, speechless. Lanie's kindness was too much for her, and goodness knew she didn't deserve it. Her head started to pound, a lump formed in her throat and tears prickled behind her eyes. What the heck had she gotten herself into?
??but I?ll make it up to you. I will. I have to go to the hospital tonight to finish up some reports, but I?m going to see about clearing some space in my schedule..."
("I am sleeping with your husband!") Leaning forward in her chair, Lindsay wanted to scream and let it all out before the blackness within her could fester any longer. She caught sight of Colin looking at her intently, as if reading her mind, and he slightly shook his head warningly.
{"She wouldn't forgive you."}
Lindsay sat back. Colin was right ? Lanie could never find out.
"...won?t that be fun?" Lanie looked expectantly at Lindsay, and Lindsay nodded her head, hoping her response was appropriate, and forced herself to smile. Lanie gave her an exuberant hug and started to clear the table.
Colin stood quickly and took the bowl from her. "Hey now ?let me take care of that, sweetheart. The sooner you go to the hospital and take care of business, the sooner you can come back and find out how very much I have missed my beautiful wife." He gathered Lanie in his arms and kissed her.
Lindsay looked away, a wave of nausea hitting her. It was all such a game to him.
And she knew what she needed to do.
Chapter 11
